My Jewish faith has always been central in my family.
I keep the laws, heading to the tabernacle when my sacrifice is due.
We’ve waited for the Messiah my whole life.
Actually for generations now.
Sometimes my condition takes over and I can think of nothing else.
Honestly, I feel so useless.
Always feeling tired, needing to run to the toilet.
My condition also makes me unclean.
So I feel ashamed. Constantly.
I know God can heal me. He just hasn’t yet.
Maybe He won’t. Maybe this will be the way I always live.
I need to accept that if indeed my life will remain the same.
God can still use me.
But I’m so tired. Tend to feel sorry for myself if I’m completely honest.
Where am I standing? I’m in the city streets.
Today is going to be different.
I’ve heard Jesus will be walking through town today.
Heard simply amazing things about Him.
Miracles. Healing. Acceptance.
I need to see Him. He can help me if I can get near enough to Him.
I can feel it in my heart.
I’ve been waiting in this heat for awhile now. I’m so tired.
But I must remain standing. For Him.
Oh, I see a large crowd coming. They are so joyful and loud!
I see Him. Jesus is here! I can recognize Him from His eyes.
He is looking so loving at all of us, the crowd pressing against Him.
Ok, here’s my chance. I’m going to reach out and touch just the edge of His garment. That’s all I need to do.
Wow. I did it! Thank you, God!
Do I feel any different? Possibly? Could it be?
Wait. Jesus has stopped walking.
He has turned around, eyes searching the crowd.
Now He’s speaking, wondering who touched Him.
His disciples are confused as there are many surrounding Him.
But Jesus keeps looking for me. I just know it.
His eyes find me and I step forward trembling. I confess what I did, falling at His feet.
Jesus reaches down and helps me to my feet.
He called me Daughter! And said my faith had made me whole!
My suffering is now finished and I am to go forth in peace.
My body instantly feels completely different. I really am whole!
I am crying like a baby. I am full of overflowing joy and love from this man who noticed me.
This famous man, Jesus, sought me out and noticed me.
Yes, my body is healed, but He also healed my heart.
My identity has changed from unclean to daughter of the Messiah.
I must tell everyone He has come! Our wait is over! Hallelujah!
What do you need from God today?
Do you have faith He will help you, too?
As a Christian, our identity is fixed into God’s family as daughters and sons of the Most High.
Your Father in heaven will fill you with love and peace to overflowing each and every day.
Go to Him like this woman, believing He will help you.
And He will.
Because He loves and notices you.
Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak.She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.” Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment. Matthew 9:20-22
Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest. Hebrews 3:1
What do you measure your life with?
The yardstick of worldly success, fame, or money?
The ruler of putting yourself first?
Counting your possessions, 401k statement or stock market?
Or just God?
When we measure our life, we decide how happy we are or not.
How content we are, how peaceful, or fearful we have become.
Your focus equals your measuring stick.
What you focus on helps determine your level of contentment.
Take your family for example. They are needy, sometimes too much so, and you find yourself in a bad mood with the work load.
You are focusing on what you are unable to do at that moment while stuck helping others.
Focus instead on God and what He has you doing at this moment. Make your work an offering to Him.
Changes your mood.
God must be our first focus, our second, our third, and on and on it goes.
When you change your perspective, your measuring stick disappears.
When you focus on knowing God is always with you, walking beside you every moment, life suddenly brightens.
Remembering your inclusion into the family of God Himself yields the ultimate acceptance.
You don’t need the world’s love. It’s fleeting anyway.
God allows us wonderful times here on earth, but when you focus on those, disappointment is right around the corner.
Focus on God and His love for you.
When you put Him first in all things, you’ll begin to depend upon Him more and more.
Moms are the most underpaid, under acknowledged, under revered bunch.
Not only do we grow humans from within our bodies, we grow them in our hearts.
Children, whether natural or adopted, are extensions of ourselves.
We ache when they cry. We rejoice when they laugh. We cry when they fail.
I can remember my eldest. I had pre-eclampsia, so my feet were puff balls.
Literally swollen and blue if I stood too long, which means like a few seconds.
He was 2 weeks late and I labored all day and night for him.
Having no drugs, I can remember referencing Eve’s sin while in the throes of labor pains.
But when he was born, it was literally all worth it. The pain evaporated.
Motherhood is like that. Sacrifice. Emptying of ourselves for another.
There is no relationship like it.
When these humans become adults, we let them go. Off into the world, exploring for themselves under the protection of their childhood.
It’s no easier, folks. My eldest recently married the love of his life. Wasn’t there as they privately wed before a judge.
I love them so much, but it hurt not attending their wedding.
But it’s their choice. Sigh.
As mothers, we must do our very best. We continually sacrifice for them, whether it’s when they are small or grown.
Mothers are always there for their children. Not letting attitudes pass, but we are their constant.
Yes, we face multiple disappointments. But we are still there. A constant in their life like God is for us.
What an honor. Thank you God, for allowing us to be your hands and feet to others.
Help us to navigate the waters of motherhood as you would want us to act.
Fill in our cuts and bruises, which seem to reopen with a child’s actions.
Only with Your constant presence may we even begin to excel at this, the toughest job in the world.
For Mother’s Day, we mothers choose to honor God, our loving, constant help.
God, who gives us His strength, when ours is never enough.
God, who gives us His love, when ours is all used up.
God, who gives us His peace, when ours last nerve has been clearly trampled.
God, who hears our every complaint and joy, yet never chooses to leave our side.
God is our constant. Our everything. He will always be your faithful companion as you navigate the calm or troubled waters of motherhood. Give Him your family again today. He will make you a happier mother today.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you. Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29
Ever wonder why God takes it?
Our smelly stuff or sin, whatever you want to call it?
I bring it up, because it’s not His.
None of our smelly sin is His.
Never was, never will be.
Why does He choose to take it?
He is holy.
Pure.
Undefiled.
Author of all things.
Literally the Most High.
And yet He wants us.
Not only us, but our stuff.
Our messy lives.
Our problems.
Our very messed up selves.
He wants our unloving attitudes towards children who selfishly taunt us.
He wants our broken hearts, which yearn for uncomplicated stories.
He wants our problems, dripping with unforgiveness.
He wants all of us.
God, who is pure and void of any sin, wants us.
Unbelievable.
If you remember the Old Testament, there was attonment for sin.
God had rules.
But with Jesus, the transaction was paid.
And with that, God continues our relationship with Him.
Because He loves us.
He created us for love.
For relationship with Him.
I find it incredible that God, who is completely pure and undefiled, wants a relationship with us.
We, who bring complicated and messy problems to Him, are wanted by God.
O Lord, You have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar. you search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. Psalm 139:1-4
Repeat after me.
I am loved.
I am safe.
I am valued.
Again.
I am loved.
I am safe.
I am valued.
Do you believe it?
You should.
God, who created you perfectly, loves you.
God, who stands as the ultimate protector of you, keeps you within His wings.
He protects you against the onslaught of the enemy, if you’ll allow Him to.
In order to allow God’s protection, you must trust Him.
You must ignore the lies, negating your value.
Your worth.
That you are loved.
God values you because He created you in His image.
He doesn’t make mistakes.
And His first mistake will not be and was not you.
You are loved.
You are safe.
You are valued.
Believe it and trust that God will order your steps according to His will, if you submit to Him.
He will bring others into your life for you to bless.
He will also bring others into your life to bless your socks off.
And He will perfect your ways as only He can.
Allow Him access to all of you.
Your thoughts.
Your desires.
Your choices.
As you submit to God, you will be filled with the peace of God which passes all understanding.
You will feel the love of God.
You will know you are safe.
And you will begin to see your value.
But only if you submit to God.
What are you possibly waiting for?
Self?
You will not, I promise, save yourself.
If you live for yourself, you will constantly be not only disappointed, but live in absolute misery.
Because life will disappoint.
Royally.
People will disappoint you to the point of rejection.
But God never will.
Choose God first.
Choose God first and you will forever live under His love, safety, and value.
By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. Proverbs 24:3-4
Communication is fundamental to any relationship.
Not only communicating, but listening to the other person.
Really listening.
Not half listening while also paying attention to your phone.
Not listening just to let them vent, then forgetting all of it and moving on.
Real communication is when two people come to an understanding that things need to and must change.
One voices a need.
The other listens and tries their best to understand that need.
While talking and listening are definitely important, the next step is the most.
Changing.
Actually doing the thing talked about.
That’s when your spouse knows you were actually listening.
And not nodding just to keep the other content with listening.
Action speaks louder than words.
Don’t just tell your spouse you love them, show them.
Don’t just nod your head in agreement, do the thing you agreed upon.
Don’t just give lip service to undone promises, actually do them.
Show your love in a big way.
A noticing way.
A personal way.
You know what to do.
Aren’t they more than worth it?
I know two people who have recently both lost their own precious spouse to heaven.
They’d admonish you to shower your spouse with love, not stopping.
And he rose and took the child and his mother by night and departed to Egypt. Matthew 2:14
God interrupted their plans.
Big time, yes?
Joseph and Mary were ordinary people living a simple life doing normal things.
They had normal plans.
Get married.
Start a family.
Carve out the best possible existence with the resources they had.
They were not unlike all of us.
But God stepped into their lives, interrupting the journey they thought they would take.
God didn’t completely alter their plans, just changed it up, adding a baby, shepherds, Wiseman, and fleeing into Egypt in the middle of the night to avoid certain death.
But eventually, they settled into that semi-normal life they originally sought.
Normal if you can call it that while parenting the son of God.
What has God interrupted in your life?
This year has been full of interruptions.
I know, the interruptions aren’t from God, or are they?
Has God awakened your desire to know Him more?
To trust Him more?
Has God opened your eyes to see how much the world needs His good news?
Has your trust in God deepened as normal life has somewhat changed?
While God has not announced life altering declarations to you through an angel, He has allowed our lives to change.
Maybe only for a season, but they have been changed.
And because God holds all things, the past, present, and the future, in his Hands, we can trust Him through all of it.
I believe God has spoken to you through this time.
But you must listen.
Listen to His whispers of encouragement when you are filled with loneliness.
Listen to His domination over fear when you are filled with anxiety.
Listen to His great love for you when you feel abandoned.
Dig into the Bible, worship Him with praise, and purpose your mind to focus on Him and what you know He wants you to do.
Mary and Joseph did that.
They could have run away screaming from what God asked them to do when He stepped into their lives, interrupting their best laid plans.
But they didn’t.
They chose to trust in Almighty God and then obey.
Do the same.
Trust Him for your everything and then obey Him, knowing you are fully loved and fully known by God.
Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you. Luke 6:38
How much do you value other people?
Enough to care about them past, “How are you?”
Do you really want to hear something other than the usual “Fine?”
If you do, you show your friend value.
Let’s go deeper.
How much do you value your spouse?
Do you ask them what they need from you to fill their hearts up?
And then when you ask, do you actually try to follow through?
If you do, you show your spouse value.
Maybe instead, you take them for granted.
You take their love and service as nothing.
Normal.
Everyday.
Well, it’s now time to wake up.
Literally.
What if today was your last day?
How would you show your spouse value then?
Guessing it would be more than you do now.
Valuing your spouse is not hard.
It’s asking them how they are and actually listening without distraction.
It’s seeking to know them, wanting to connect.
It’s asking what they need from you to fill their hearts.
And then following through not once, but from now on.
Because you value them.
People recognize love in different ways.
Your love language might not be your spouses.
Ask them.
And then act.
Only in our selfishness can we possibly neglect the beautiful gift set before us.
God blesses us with spouses.
Treat them like the gift they really are to you.
And your gift will be returned to you a thousand times over.
(God) who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. Psalm 103:4-5
God, I need You.
I need Your strength.
Mine is all gone.
I need Your love for others.
Mine is all used up.
I need Your peace.
Don’t have any on my own that lasts more than a second.
I need Your love for me, too.
Mine is all gone.
I need all of You.
Because all of me is used up.
Fill me anew with You.
Cover my ugly shivering self with Your arms.
I need Your safety.
I need Your protection.
I need Your security.
I need You.
You are always faithful.
Always.
In every single thing as long as I ask You.
You’re so gracious, You also let me live in my own self if I bow to my selfishness.
And those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above; and those who turn many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever. Daniel 12:3
Are you aware that others are watching you?
Watching you react in this life?
Watching you respond?
Are you aware?
As Christians, we are a witness for God.
We are a witness either for God or against Him.
When we, as Christians, respond with love for others, serving them and meeting their needs, we are the face of God.
When instead, we, as Christians respond with selfishness, wanting the best for ourselves, we are also a witness of God.
But when we respond with selfishness, we mar His face.
Placing God in a negative light.
Where do you frequent on a weekly basis?
Do waiters look forward to your visit or try to avoid serving your table?
Ever asked them about their day?
God is love.
And as Christians, we are full of His love.
We should be spilling Him out everywhere we go.
When we leave a space, it should be better then when we entered.
Better because we have determined to be an honorable witness for Him.
He has given us this life.
He has also given us a charge to make disciples across the earth.
How many people have you come across on this earth today?
Create a desire in others for God through your witness.
Blessed be the Lord who has given rest to his people Israel, according to all that he promised. Not one word has failed of all his good promise, which he spoke by Moses his servant. 1 Kings 8:56
How is God known?
Through the things that don’t make sense in our lives.
Through the trust we show when the next step we cannot see.
Through His grace demonstrated in us each and every day.
Through His love poured out from our fingertips to others.
Through His peace we feel while tossed to and fro.
Through His forgiveness we give to those who’ve deeply hurt us.
Through the giving we provide to those who lack.
Through the servant we become when thinking more of others.
Through the prayers we pray and the answers that surprise us.
Through the deliverance of trauma, healing the holes left behind.
Through the wisdom we have when asking God for help.
Through coming out on the other side of life’s trauma.
And living, not dying from it.
God is known through our Bible reading, our praying, our worship, and our very lives.
Each and every day, God is known through the big and small things.
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34
“If God puts you there, He is amply sufficient.” Oswald Chambers
Unpacking this, there is so much to see.
If God places you anywhere (and He does, because He is sovereign over all), He is completely and totally enough to cover all of your fears and anxieties, washing your mind with His peace.
Completely and totally enough to cover it all.
Even those fears you harbor deep inside.
He is enough, washing your mind with His peace.
If God places your hands to work, He is more than enough, helping you not only survive, but thrive.
If God places you at home with your less than appreciative child, His love for you will cover the gaps, filling your heart with Him.
If God places you in a hospital, caring for a loved one, His care for you will shine through your care of that loved one.
If God places you in front of a large crowd, your voice will carry His message to others, speaking to their very souls.
If God places you somewhere to stand up for His name, His strength will carry you securely onto the wings of His safety and love.
If God calls you to live without your spouse, His care for you will cover all of the holes left behind.
If God calls you to mother or father children who have grown in your heart alone, His grace will marry the lines between parent and child.
When God places you, His child, in any situation, He will be enough.
He is enough.
He will do all this and more if you place your trust in Him, wanting to mirror His likeness.
To be His hands and feet.
To shut yourself down, pouring out His life instead.
Shutting yourself down doesn’t mean you become nothing.
It’s the opposite, really.
Shutting yourself down means turning off your selfish ways and pouring out God.
God, who loves all of us so very much.
Remember Whose you are.
Remember what that means.
That when He places you in life, He is more than enough.
You shall walk in all the way that the Lord your God has commanded you, that you may live, and that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land that you shall possess. Deuteronomy 5:33
When we obey God, His power rushes through us to others.
Why?
Because “behind the deed of obedience is the reality of Almighty God”.
An incredible preacher, Oswald Chambers penned that phrase in the last century.
The thought is so profound, I’ve spent days thinking of it.
When we love others with His love, we affect eternity.
When we become the hands and feet of Jesus, His love touches others through us.
When we obey God, His power is unleashed.
His love is let out.
His healing is released.
His peace is felt.
Think you’re insignificant?
Focus on this: your obedience can allow others to see God.
Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, (vs 1)
I am blessed by God when I choose to listen to Him, ignoring the evil ways of my natural self, shutting out the noise that clutters my mind.
but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. (vs 2)
I am filled with joy when my sole focus is God; when I focus on His promises remembering His truth.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers. (vs 3)
When I purpose my mind and thoughts on Him, I am a strong tree with roots firmly planted in the ground – never faltering, never swaying – immovable in Him.
Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. (vs 4,5)
I will not be like or resemble the ungodly, who are without the peace of God. Their actions on earth will pass away like the wind. They will forever be separate from God, my God.
For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction. (vs 6)
My God will continually watch over my every step all the days of my life. His goodness and mercy will follow me and my head will be covered by His tender love and protection always.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2
What is your focus?
Yourself?
Your needs, wants, and desires?
I get it.
It’s totally natural.
When you focus on your own self, nothing else matters except for your happiness.
Satisfying your needs.
Children naturally look out for number one and our job as parents is to curb that selfishness.
Tantrums usually result when children have little consequence for displaying that me-monster.
You’ve seen the horror unfold in stores.
Good parents are those that take the child out, not giving in.
Hopefully, as we grow into adults, we focus less on ourselves, and more on other people.
Parenting thrusts us into this role whether we want to or not.
I can remember staying home for years with the children.
My needs were second to theirs; however, their daily “after lunch quiet times” away from me provided sanity, key to my mental state.
Focusing on others with physical work is relatively easy.
Physically hard, yes, but easy in a way.
Unless you are grumbling and complaining as you work, thinking of only your “put out” state of mind.
On the other hand, mentally focusing on others and not yourself is an entirely different ballgame.
For example, what if your spouse communicates differently from you?
Should you focus on your natural point of view or theirs instead?
Imagine the difference if you focused first on your spouse, turning to yourself last.
What if your students at school or your own children at home seem to come from another world entirely?
Enter that world and look around.
Mentally.
Little people need authority from parents and teachers, but the focus can still be them.
Authority which oozes love and acceptance.
Think of Jesus.
He would patiently listen to children, calming them down with his love and authority.
And if He was married to your spouse, He would think of them first.
Always.
As Christians, Jesus DOES live in us.
We can be His hands and feet.
With strangers.
With children.
With our spouse.
The next time an issue crops up, don’t immediately switch the focus to yourself.
Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him. Psalm 62:1
There will always be more.
More teacher books to read, lessons to try, activities to save.
More recipes to try, nutrition to evaluate, exercise methods to investigate.
More decorating shows to watch, websites to pursue, ideas to glean.
More clothing to see, outfits to make, stores to shop.
We will never reach the pinnacle of knowledge in any area of our life.
There will always be more we could know.
More knowledge to glean.
More, more, more.
I find this overwhelming.
Why?
Because I want to do my very best in all things.
I want to be the best teacher, so I read blogs, read books, tweak lessons, and constantly keep looking to make my classes even better.
I want to be the best self, so I keep pursuing blogs, saved links, and books to find that formula which will set me up for success.
I want to be the best Christian wife/mother/daughter/etc, so I read books, blogs, and save even more books on my future reading list, which I admit will could never all be read in my lifetime.
Folks, we don’t have to prove ourselves.
God loves us and accepts us.
Knowledge is wonderful, even ordained by God.
But it can become a religion of sorts.
An idol in the very least.
Yes, we should keep pursuing knowledge.
But not at the risk of feeling inadequate if we don’t.
The lie of having to know everything is false.
It will never happen.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you will never know all in whatever area you focus.
Use your God-given talents to work, improve, and pursue knowledge.
But let God guide you.
If your saved links or saved emails, or list of books to read all of a sudden vanished, would that almost be a relief to you?
That is an indication of information overload.
If you don’t want to be so bold as to delete years of saved “bookmarks”, then place a time limit on your knowledge search.
Give yourself 20 minutes a day to read your book or saved link.
Devote an entire day to plunge beneath the waters and organize, deleting unnecessary items.
Whatever you decide to do, simply remember this.
God knows all, so we don’t have to.
He ordains your steps when you trust in Him.
Allow Him to guide your knowledge search, knowing you are already enough.
You have already secured His love.
Thank Him for your knowledge thirst.
Then sit back, take a drink from your book, and savor the satisfaction of being enough.
For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish. Jeremiah 31:25
Wrote this post a few years back, but never posted it. As an exhausted teacher, beginning her summer break, it fits perfectly once again 🙂
Today I’m so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Nothing special, just lots going on.
Driving a child to basketball camp 45 minutes away.
Both ways.
Helping the seven year old get ready for the day.
Dropping off paperwork at the school, purchasing donuts for older daughter’s volleyball game since today is her birthday.
Picking up daughter from summer pe class and taking the entire tribe out to lunch.
Quickly changing clothes to jump into the pool.
Running back home to pick everyone up for daughter’s volleyball game.
Actually 2 games.
Back home, throwing pizza into the oven since the kids declare they must eat dinner, while making boiled frosting for the giant rainbow cake you made and did not have enough frosting for.
Then frosting the extra chocolate cake since that is the flavor your daughter actually requested.
Hosting a birthday party.
Entertaining the seven year old and her cousin for the night.
Oh – and they are sleeping in my room.
So, we need to make a pile of comfort on the floor.
Just need a good night’s sleep.
Or a vacation.
Smile.
Life is busy – but full of life.
When people need you, yes, it’s exhausting, but it’s rewarding.
Making memories.
That’s what this day was all about.
Each day is full of possibilities.
Laughter.
Love.
Don’t create so much busyness that you forget to see the life you’ve created.
You’re tired because you are pouring your life into someone else’s.
You’re tired because your focus is on someone else’s needs.
That is awesome.
Someday it will all be a precious memory.
But for now, go sneak some rest, because the circus will begin again tomorrow.
“Abba, Father,” He cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” Mark 14:36
Oh, Jesus, I see you.
I am near.
A face in the crowd.
I see your aching eyes.
I see what’s left of your precious body clinging to that horrid cross.
I’ve been a witness all day.
Your death is so real.
I cannot bear to look.
To think You are doing all of this for us.
For me.
What was it like to walk around this earth, knowing how your death would ultimately end?
How did your heart keep from worrying?
How did you keep your mind on the last supper, not worried to death anticipating the agony you knew was soon to come?
And even last month, how were you not overcome with preoccupation?
What did you do when fear and the temptation of avoidance entered your thoughts?
I know you are human with all the thoughts that flood our minds.
Yet you did not sin.
Teach me.
How did it feel when your best friends fell asleep that night, not watching your back or comforting you?
How about when your friend betrayed you in the garden?
I know you expected that, but it must have still disappointed you.
How did you deal with feeling alone during this time?
Teach me.
What was it like when the soldiers mocked you?
Didn’t you long to put them in their place?
That must have been difficult.
Teach me.
You let them taunt you, wetting your face with their spit.
What was it like to have your body whipped to the point of near death?
I cannot even imagine.
Or when they thrust the crown into your precious head?
The thorns went so deep.
I could hear the soldiers laughing, mocking your royal self after they “decorated” you.
I’m so sorry.
When they paraded you around in front of the cruel crowds, half naked and badly bleeding, it was unspeakable.
What were you thinking?
Was it hard not to speak in front of Pilot?
Was it difficult not to call down the angels to deliver you?
How did you stumble along the winding path, bearing the weight of the cross upon your weary body?
When they nailed your hands and feet, how in the world did you deal with that agony?
How did the unspeakable weight of the world’s sins feel on your shoulders?
You had never felt sin before.
Was that feeling of separation from God even worse than the physical pain, hard as that is to imagine?
How were you still filled with compassion for the lost while bearing unspeakable pain on the cross?
Teach me.
Every time I think about what You have done for us, I am brought to silence.
There are no words.
Except thank you.
Thank you for leaving heaven to give Your life for us here on earth.
You needed nothing, yet You gave it all up for us.
You came.
Willingly.
And now You are dying in place of us for our sins.
All of our sins.
All for us.
For me.
All because of love.
Your love for us.
For me.
I look once again at You, my precious Lord, dying on the cross.
Your breathing is slow.
Wait.
You are speaking.
Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.
You’re right.
They don’t know.
They couldn’t possibly do what they have done to you, knowing who you are.
Whose you are.
But I do.
Your body is still.
The sky is dark, almost like night.
My eyes are lowered in humility.
My tears fall onto the ground wetting the earth.
You were selfless until your last breath, which prayed for the lost.
How did You manage this cruel death, emotionally and physically?
Because of love.
Because of life.
Eternal life.
Because of the promise of life eternally with You.
Us with You.
Forever.
You gave your life for us.
May we in return live each day for You, reminded of Your selfless love, which died upon the cross securing our spots in heaven forever with You.
Amy Linnea 
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