Loving Your Spouse

By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. Proverbs 24:3-4

Communication is fundamental to any relationship.

Not only communicating, but listening to the other person.

Really listening.

Not half listening while also paying attention to your phone.

Not listening just to let them vent, then forgetting all of it and moving on.

Real communication is when two people come to an understanding that things need to and must change.

One voices a need.

The other listens and tries their best to understand that need.

While talking and listening are definitely important, the next step is the most.

Changing.

Actually doing the thing talked about.

That’s when your spouse knows you were actually listening.

And not nodding just to keep the other content with listening.

Action speaks louder than words.

Don’t just tell your spouse you love them, show them.

Don’t just nod your head in agreement, do the thing you agreed upon.

Don’t just give lip service to undone promises, actually do them.

Show your love in a big way.

A noticing way.

A personal way.

You know what to do.

Aren’t they more than worth it?

I know two people who have recently both lost their own precious spouse to heaven.

They’d admonish you to shower your spouse with love, not stopping.

Ever.

They wish they still could.

But you can.

So do it.

Photos by Ryan Franco on UnsplashKelly Sikkema, & Kiwihug on Unsplash

Focus

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

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What is your focus?

Yourself?

Your needs, wants, and desires?

I get it.

It’s totally natural.

When you focus on your own self, nothing else matters except for your happiness.

Satisfying your needs.

Children naturally look out for number one and our job as parents is to curb that selfishness.

Tantrums usually result when children have little consequence for displaying that me-monster.

You’ve seen the horror unfold in stores.

Good parents are those that take the child out, not giving in.

Hopefully, as we grow into adults, we focus less on ourselves, and more on other people.

Parenting thrusts us into this role whether we want to or not.

I can remember staying home for years with the children.

My needs were second to theirs; however, their daily “after lunch quiet times” away from me provided sanity, key to my mental state.

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Focusing on others with physical work is relatively easy.

Physically hard, yes, but easy in a way.

Unless you are grumbling and complaining as you work, thinking of only your “put out” state of mind.

On the other hand, mentally focusing on others and not yourself is an entirely different ballgame.

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For example, what if your spouse communicates differently from you?

Should you focus on your natural point of view or theirs instead?

Imagine the difference if you focused first on your spouse, turning to yourself last.

What if your students at school or your own children at home seem to come from another world entirely?

Enter that world and look around.

Mentally.

Little people need authority from parents and teachers, but the focus can still be them.

Authority which oozes love and acceptance.

Think of Jesus.

He would patiently listen to children, calming them down with his love and authority.

And if He was married to your spouse, He would think of them first.

Always.

As Christians, Jesus DOES live in us.

We can be His hands and feet.

With strangers.

With children.

With our spouse.

The next time an issue crops up, don’t immediately switch the focus to yourself.

Keep focusing on Jesus.

Give yourself a time out if needed.

Yes, moms need those as well. 🙂

Invite God to wash your mind with His.

To give you His focus.

To see what He wants you to see.

And to ignore what He wants you to ignore.

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Photos by Elena TaranenkoDmitry Ratushny,  Joanna Nix, & Keegan Houser on Unsplash

Cobwebs

I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. Psalm 119:15

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Feel as if your mind is stuck?

Wound up with who knows what?

Feel immovable?

So overwhelmed you have no idea where to begin?

When we become so consumed with life, our connections to God become clouded.

Cobwebs begin to weave their way this way and that every time we rely on ourselves instead of God.

When we focus on the millions of things we could, no should be doing, not asking God what He wants us to do.

Whenever I begin to feel the weight of all I’m supposed to take care of, I can feel brain connections popping.

Like an overloaded circuit.

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What if you didn’t go through the mail.

Ok, just look for bills that are immediately due, but ignore the rest.

What if you only sent gift cards to family members for Christmas instead of placing the pressure of finding the perfect gift for all 39 people in the next 3 weeks?

What if you skipped dusting and ate only soup and eggs for a week’s nightly dinners?

Would anyone die?

Your children might think life has if they hate your dinner choice, but who asked them?

Create margin.

Space in your brain.

You literally cannot do it all.

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Clear the cobwebs by focusing on God.

Ask Him to order your steps.

Before you commit to yet another thing, ask Him if you should.

Cut out the extra.

Reload your circuit board.

And clear out those cobwebs.

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Photos by Sam HetterichJohn CarlisleEsther Driehaus, & Aaron Burden on Unsplash