Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God. Psalm 43:5
Ever have a pity party?
Honestly, they’re fun.
It’s fun to wallow in poor me.
Why?
Because when we join our pity party, we feel comfortable.
Safe.
It just feels right to complain.
To utterly concentrate on the ugly.
It’s like the Sadness character in the movie Inside Out.
Nothing you can do to change her mind.
She’ll always just be sad.
Now wait, isn’t it OK to be sad?
Why are you dumping on being sad?
Yes, it’s perfectly fine to be sad.
Normal, in fact.
Healthy.
It’s healthier to be sad and grieve something then to simply ignore it, pushing your feelings down to your toes.
But the feeling of sadness and grieving is not a pity party.
It’s not poor me.
It’s simply sad.
You are choosing to grieve, but not demanding others give you a behavior green card.
An allowance to act however you choose, because after all, you deserve to after what you have been through!
I’ve had a pretty bad week.
Actually a bad 2 weeks.
A week ago, we found out our 8 week old unborn child was only 6.5 weeks and did not have a beating heart.
Then a few days ago, we discovered it was not meant to be.
And I’ve been waiting for my body to cooperate and get back to normal ever since.
Hence my foul mood.
While it’s perfectly normal for me to feel sadness, to grieve what will never be, I crossed the line.
I had a big old pity party.
I moved from sad to depressed.
It was not pretty, folks.
Real life.
While I know in my head what is the truth, I still chose to wallow in myself.
Aren’t you supposed to count your blessings when you’re down?
Yes, but that’s not as fun as feeling plumb sorry for yourself.
I even had several cookies.
And lots of wine.
But God’s faithfulness prevailed, as it always does.
I’ll never get those days back, but I can remember for the future.
Remember the clear difference between pity and sorrow.
With God’s grace, I’ll choose wisely next time.
Will you?
After all, it’s real life.
Photos by Paola Chaaya, Pim Chu, & Masaaki Komori on Unsplash
Amy Linnea 
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